'Twas the night before crisis, and all through the house,
Not a program was working, not even a browse.
The programmers were wrung out, too mindless to care,
Knowing chances of shipping hadn't a prayer.
The users were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of inquiries danced in their heads.
When out in the lobby there arose such a clatter,
That I sprang from my cube to see what was the matter.
And what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a SUPER PROGRAMMER, oblivious to fear.
More rapid than eagles, his programs they came,
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name:
On Update! On Add! On Inquiry! On Delete!
On Batch Jobs! On Closing! On Functions Complete!
His eyes were glazed over, his fingers were lean,
From weekends and nights in front of the screen.
A wink of his eye, and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Turning specs into code, then he turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger on the ENTER key,
The system came up, and worked perfectly.
The updates, updated; the deletes, they deleted;
The inquiries, inquired; and the closing completed.
He tested each whistle, he tested each bell,
With nary an abend, and all had gone well.
The system was finished, the tests were concluded,
The client's last changes were even included!
And the client exclaimed with a snarl and a taunt,
"It's just what I asked for, but NOT what I want..."
(attributed variously, my copy came from
http://radio.weblogs.com/0117767/2003/12/23.html )
Merry Christmas/Kwanza/Hanukka/Solstice/Boxing Day/Non-Denominational
Day Off to you all!
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring... no spoons... <g,d&rvvf>
Ted Roche wrote:
> 'Twas the night before crisis, and all through the house,
> Not a program was working, not even a browse.
> <snip>
> Merry Christmas/Kwanza/Hanukka/Solstice/Boxing Day/Non-Denominational
> Day Off to you all!
>
>
[excessive quoting removed by server]
Or the exchange server one
'Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the nations Exchange Servers were humming,
it's winter vacation
The UPS supported redundant array
Assured all admins at home they could stay.
Backups secured, both off-site and on
Restores had been tested; what could go wrong?
Humidifier checked; climate control, too.
Firewall's sound, only email goes through.
If anything happens, it wouldn't be major.
But no sooner thought, "Beep" goes the pager!
I open up Outlook and Macromedia Flash,
VPN to the server to check for a crash.
A green glow in the room from the cable modem lights
Strobed eerily as packets passed through its sights
"It's probably nothing," to myself I retort.
Then came the message, "Retry? Ignore? Abort?"
"No exchange server available?" This can't be good.
When I left, it exchanged just like it should!
Binding order? Never! That couldn't be!
And it replies to a ping, both by name and IP.
Now SM! Now TP! Now IP and LDAP!
On NN! On IM! On POP3 and IMAP!
Everything failed. My options grow fewer As I hesitate opening NT event viewer.
Our company needs our servers alive
24/7, not 18 and 5.
The disaster whitepaper, you know it's da bomb
It's downloaded from Microsoft.com
With Exchange notes and tape, I head out the door
Grateful for working those practice restores.
I arrive at the office, still dark of night,
I disarm the alarm and turn on the light.
Nothing prepared me for what I saw next
I froze and I watched, completely perplexed.
A short chubby man, in a coat and a hat,
Red with white trim, who moved like a cat.
My server in pieces, Santa on all fours.
3Com NIC's, Intel chips, all over the floor!
In his glance he looked worried, totally weird.
And I noticed lil' screws all stuck in his beard.
He flashes a card, that I may see:
"Kris Kringle, St. Nick - MCSE".
I watched as he worked. What else could I do?
He uninstalled ArcServe, and Inoculan, too.
He added a SCSI, some power and RAM!
My NT4 Server, now 2003: BAM!
"Your email and apps now surely will thrive,
But I'm sad that you're still stuck on 5.5."
He swept away the parts, extras it seemed.
Called someone named 'Scottie'; away he beamed.
He said, "Sorry to bother you this Christmas Eve, But had I not done so, you wouldn't believe."
And I heard him exclaim as he faded from sight, "Lotus Notes connector? It just isn't right."
-----Original Message-----
From: profox-bounces@leafe.com [mailto:profox-bounces@leafe.com] On Behalf Of Ted Roche
Sent: 22 December 2004 16:08
To: Profox@Leafe.Com
Subject: [NF] The Night Before Crisis
'Twas the night before crisis, and all through the house,
Not a program was working, not even a browse.
The programmers were wrung out, too mindless to care,
Knowing chances of shipping hadn't a prayer.
The users were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of inquiries danced in their heads.
When out in the lobby there arose such a clatter,
That I sprang from my cube to see what was the matter.
And what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a SUPER PROGRAMMER, oblivious to fear.
More rapid than eagles, his programs they came,
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name:
On Update! On Add! On Inquiry! On Delete!
On Batch Jobs! On Closing! On Functions Complete!
His eyes were glazed over, his fingers were lean,
From weekends and nights in front of the screen.
A wink of his eye, and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Turning specs into code, then he turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger on the ENTER key,
The system came up, and worked perfectly.
The updates, updated; the deletes, they deleted;
The inquiries, inquired; and the closing completed.
He tested each whistle, he tested each bell,
With nary an abend, and all had gone well.
The system was finished, the tests were concluded,
The client's last changes were even included!
And the client exclaimed with a snarl and a taunt,
"It's just what I asked for, but NOT what I want..."
(attributed variously, my copy came from
http://radio.weblogs.com/0117767/2003/12/23.html )
Merry Christmas/Kwanza/Hanukka/Solstice/Boxing Day/Non-Denominational
Day Off to you all!
[excessive quoting removed by server]
As is my annual tradition, dating back, the Leafe archives tell me, to
at least 2004, I wish you all happy holidays:
-
'Twas the night before crisis, and all through the house,
Not a program was working, not even a browse.
The programmers were wrung out, too mindless to care,
Knowing chances of shipping hadn't a prayer.
The users were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of inquiries danced in their heads.
When out in the lobby there arose such a clatter,
That I sprang from my cube to see what was the matter.
And what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a SUPER PROGRAMMER, oblivious to fear.
More rapid than eagles, his programs they came,
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name:
On Update! On Add! On Inquiry! On Delete!
On Batch Jobs! On Closing! On Functions Complete!
His eyes were glazed over, his fingers were lean,
From weekends and nights in front of the screen.
A wink of his eye, and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Turning specs into code, then he turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger on the ENTER key,
The system came up, and worked perfectly.
The updates, updated; the deletes, they deleted;
The inquiries, inquired; and the closing completed.
He tested each whistle, he tested each bell,
With nary an abend, and all had gone well.
The system was finished, the tests were concluded,
The client's last changes were even included!
And the client exclaimed with a snarl and a taunt,
"It's just what I asked for, but NOT what I want..."
(attributed variously, my copy came from
http://radio.weblogs.com/0117767/2003/12/23.html )
Merry Christmas/Kwanza/Hanukka/Solstice/Boxing Day/Non-Denominational
Day Off to you all!
--
Ted Roche
Ted Roche & Associates, LLC
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** All postings, unless explicitly stated otherwise, are the opinions of the author, and do not constitute legal or medical advice. This statement is added to the messages for those lawyers who are too stupid to see the obvious.
I note with some amazement that this is my _tenth_ posting of this
poem to the ProFox list. Thanks again to Ed Leafe for over ten years
of a great forum. Thanks to you all for your contributions and
participation. Best wishes to you all in this holiday season, and a
happy, healthy and prosperous New Year to us all.
'Twas the night before crisis, and all through the house,
Not a program was working, not even a browse.
The programmers were wrung out, too mindless to care,
Knowing chances of shipping hadn't a prayer.
The users were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of inquiries danced in their heads.
When out in the lobby there arose such a clatter,
That I sprang from my cube to see what was the matter.
And what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a SUPER PROGRAMMER, oblivious to fear.
More rapid than eagles, his programs they came,
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name:
On Update! On Add! On Inquiry! On Delete!
On Batch Jobs! On Closing! On Functions Complete!
His eyes were glazed over, his fingers were lean,
From weekends and nights in front of the screen.
A wink of his eye, and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Turning specs into code, then he turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger on the ENTER key,
The system came up, and worked perfectly.
The updates, updated; the deletes, they deleted;
The inquiries, inquired; and the closing completed.
He tested each whistle, he tested each bell,
With nary an abend, and all had gone well.
The system was finished, the tests were concluded,
The client's last changes were even included!
And the client exclaimed with a snarl and a taunt,
"It's just what I asked for, but NOT what I want..."
(attributed variously, my copy came
fromhttp://blog.tedroche.com/2003/12/23/the-night-before-crisis/ and
links there trace it back to 1994.)
Merry Christmas/Kwanza/Hanukka/Solstice/Festivus/Saturnalia/Boxing
Day/Non-Denominational Day Off to you all!
--
Ted Roche
Ted Roche & Associates, LLC
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** All postings, unless explicitly stated otherwise, are the opinions of the author, and do not constitute legal or medical advice. This statement is added to the messages for those lawyers who are too stupid to see the obvious.
On Mon, Dec 23, 2013, at 12:34 PM, Ted Roche wrote:
> I note with some amazement that this is my _tenth_ posting of this
> poem to the ProFox list.
Happy Christmas you foxy mofos!
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** All postings, unless explicitly stated otherwise, are the opinions of the author, and do not constitute legal or medical advice. This statement is added to the messages for those lawyers who are too stupid to see the obvious.
Ted,
It is now expected and part of Profox tradition.... Christmas would be missing something without it!
Dave
-----Original Message-----
From: ProFox [mailto:profox-bounces@leafe.com] On Behalf Of Ted Roche
Sent: 23 December 2013 12:35
To: profox@leafe.com
Subject: [NF] The night before crisis
I note with some amazement that this is my _tenth_ posting of this poem to the ProFox list. Thanks again to Ed Leafe for over ten years of a great forum. Thanks to you all for your contributions and participation. Best wishes to you all in this holiday season, and a happy, healthy and prosperous New Year to us all.
'Twas the night before crisis, and all through the house,
Not a program was working, not even a browse.
The programmers were wrung out, too mindless to care,
Knowing chances of shipping hadn't a prayer.
The users were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of inquiries danced in their heads.
When out in the lobby there arose such a clatter,
That I sprang from my cube to see what was the matter.
And what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a SUPER PROGRAMMER, oblivious to fear.
More rapid than eagles, his programs they came,
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name:
On Update! On Add! On Inquiry! On Delete!
On Batch Jobs! On Closing! On Functions Complete!
His eyes were glazed over, his fingers were lean,
From weekends and nights in front of the screen.
A wink of his eye, and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Turning specs into code, then he turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger on the ENTER key,
The system came up, and worked perfectly.
The updates, updated; the deletes, they deleted;
The inquiries, inquired; and the closing completed.
He tested each whistle, he tested each bell,
With nary an abend, and all had gone well.
The system was finished, the tests were concluded,
The client's last changes were even included!
And the client exclaimed with a snarl and a taunt,
"It's just what I asked for, but NOT what I want..."
(attributed variously, my copy came
fromhttp://blog.tedroche.com/2003/12/23/the-night-before-crisis/ and links there trace it back to 1994.)
Merry Christmas/Kwanza/Hanukka/Solstice/Festivus/Saturnalia/Boxing
Day/Non-Denominational Day Off to you all!
--
Ted Roche
Ted Roche & Associates, LLC
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[excessive quoting removed by server]
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** All postings, unless explicitly stated otherwise, are the opinions of the author, and do not constitute legal or medical advice. This statement is added to the messages for those lawyers who are too stupid to see the obvious.
On 12/23/2013 07:34 AM, Ted Roche wrote:
> I note with some amazement that this is my _tenth_ posting of this
Well, if you are going to do that:
Holiday Gift from Paul McNett and Ed Leafe 12/5/03
Found myself reading email yesterday AM after work, well past my
bedtime, When I saw this evocative post: "Holiday Gift from Paul McNett
and Ed Leafe". I was thinking I have to break off and get some sleep to
be at least *awake* for my afternoon appointment, but, oh, I have to
read this one . . .
It was a URL. It loaded like the wind - no graphics, all text. It was a
web app called "The Thing". A little text description was to the effect
that Paul and Ed hoped we would like this holiday gift to the community
- an online application checker/translator, along with the holiday wish
that this would help people get work done, understand all the stuff we
have to understand and maybe even make money. All thought of sleep
suddenly vanished.
There was an "input box" labeled "paste your code or text here", a
dropdown "identify the best description of your input" the choices were
FoxPro code, .net code, Python code, pseudocode, other code, text, [OT]
and Sheep.
Then there was an "output" dropdown labeled "select your desired output"
and those choices were correct FoxPro code, correct .net code, correct
Python code, correct other code, good text, logical, intelligent [OT]
and Sheep. Then there was an "output display window".
Finally there were a series of controls, test, create .exe, create
Windows setup file, create Linux package, create web application. I
thought, I have to *try* this right now.
So I did! First I plunked in my eight year's work of failed FoxPro code,
chose correct Python code and out it came, in seconds! I pressed the
test control and the program sprang upon the screen, just as I had
always dreamed that it someday would. I played with it for a few minutes
and found to my delight that it was just what I had always wanted,
everything worked and worked ever so well.
Then, I popped in one of the most overbearing ad-hominem [OT] posts I
could find on my hard drive, chose logical, intelligent [OT] and out
came a most reasoned, objective version. Remarkable considering that
Paul avoids [OT] and Ed has a point of view that is usually to the D
side, but there it was.
Then I popped in the Gettysburg address, and it came back unchanged. I
got to thinking, this is not just software, this is *artificial
intelligence* and they are just giving it to the world for a holiday
present!
Well, before I did anything else I created a directory to receive my
completed project, courtesy of Paul and Ed. Just as I was about to press
"create web application" the power to the house went out long enough to
crash the old clunker.
I don't use my home computer very often and I haven't bothered with a
UPS, bad me. When I rebooted and got back to Eudora, the post, the URL,
all of it was gone, checked the archives - no sign. I started to post a
message about "what was that URL . . . " Then I woke up in bed, I'd
dreamed the whole thing.
--
Regards,
Pete
http://elect-pete-theisen.com/
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Good Morning Ted:
I was waiting for this!!!! Thanks for posting it! It always puts a smile on my face!
Likewise, I would like to thank all the very fine folks on Profox for the help and the nudge in the right direction when I needed it the most!
The best of the holiday season to all and I hope that 2014 is the best ever for everyone!
Best regards,
Jack Skelley
Jack Skelley
Senior Director, Programming/Computer Operations
New Jersey Devils
(973)757-6164
JSkelley@newjerseydevils.com
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Below is a link to some notable Christmas quotes. Enjoy this holiday
season and coming new year.
http://www.legacy.com/news/legends-and-legacies/best-christmas-quotes/1807/
Regards,
LelandJ
On 12/23/2013 06:34 AM, Ted Roche wrote:
> I note with some amazement that this is my _tenth_ posting of this
> poem to the ProFox list. Thanks again to Ed Leafe for over ten years
> of a great forum. Thanks to you all for your contributions and
> participation. Best wishes to you all in this holiday season, and a
> happy, healthy and prosperous New Year to us all.
>
>
> 'Twas the night before crisis, and all through the house,
> Not a program was working, not even a browse.
> The programmers were wrung out, too mindless to care,
> Knowing chances of shipping hadn't a prayer.
>
> The users were nestled all snug in their beds,
> While visions of inquiries danced in their heads.
> When out in the lobby there arose such a clatter,
> That I sprang from my cube to see what was the matter.
>
> And what to my wondering eyes should appear,
> But a SUPER PROGRAMMER, oblivious to fear.
> More rapid than eagles, his programs they came,
>
> And he whistled and shouted and called them by name:
> On Update! On Add! On Inquiry! On Delete!
> On Batch Jobs! On Closing! On Functions Complete!
>
> His eyes were glazed over, his fingers were lean,
> From weekends and nights in front of the screen.
> A wink of his eye, and a twist of his head,
> Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
>
> He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
> Turning specs into code, then he turned with a jerk.
> And laying his finger on the ENTER key,
> The system came up, and worked perfectly.
>
> The updates, updated; the deletes, they deleted;
> The inquiries, inquired; and the closing completed.
> He tested each whistle, he tested each bell,
> With nary an abend, and all had gone well.
>
> The system was finished, the tests were concluded,
> The client's last changes were even included!
> And the client exclaimed with a snarl and a taunt,
> "It's just what I asked for, but NOT what I want..."
>
> (attributed variously, my copy came
> fromhttp://blog.tedroche.com/2003/12/23/the-night-before-crisis/ and
> links there trace it back to 1994.)
>
> Merry Christmas/Kwanza/Hanukka/Solstice/Festivus/Saturnalia/Boxing
> Day/Non-Denominational Day Off to you all!
>
>
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