Or the exchange server one

'Twas the night before Christmas

and all through the nations Exchange Servers were humming,

it's winter vacation

The UPS supported redundant array

Assured all admins at home they could stay.

Backups secured, both off-site and on

Restores had been tested; what could go wrong?

Humidifier checked; climate control, too.

Firewall's sound, only email goes through.

If anything happens, it wouldn't be major.

But no sooner thought, "Beep" goes the pager!

I open up Outlook and Macromedia Flash,

VPN to the server to check for a crash.

A green glow in the room from the cable modem lights

Strobed eerily as packets passed through its sights

"It's probably nothing," to myself I retort.

Then came the message, "Retry? Ignore? Abort?"

"No exchange server available?" This can't be good.

When I left, it exchanged just like it should!

Binding order? Never! That couldn't be!

And it replies to a ping, both by name and IP.

Now SM! Now TP! Now IP and LDAP!

On NN! On IM! On POP3 and IMAP!

Everything failed. My options grow fewer As I hesitate opening NT event viewer.

Our company needs our servers alive

24/7, not 18 and 5.

The disaster whitepaper, you know it's da bomb

It's downloaded from Microsoft.com

With Exchange notes and tape, I head out the door

Grateful for working those practice restores.

I arrive at the office, still dark of night,

I disarm the alarm and turn on the light.

Nothing prepared me for what I saw next

I froze and I watched, completely perplexed.

A short chubby man, in a coat and a hat,

Red with white trim, who moved like a cat.

My server in pieces, Santa on all fours.

3Com NIC's, Intel chips, all over the floor!

In his glance he looked worried, totally weird.

And I noticed lil' screws all stuck in his beard.

He flashes a card, that I may see:

"Kris Kringle, St. Nick - MCSE".

I watched as he worked. What else could I do?

He uninstalled ArcServe, and Inoculan, too.

He added a SCSI, some power and RAM!

My NT4 Server, now 2003: BAM!

"Your email and apps now surely will thrive,

But I'm sad that you're still stuck on 5.5."

He swept away the parts, extras it seemed.

Called someone named 'Scottie'; away he beamed.

He said, "Sorry to bother you this Christmas Eve, But had I not done so, you wouldn't believe."

And I heard him exclaim as he faded from sight, "Lotus Notes connector? It just isn't right."

-----Original Message-----

From: profox-bounces@leafe.com [mailto:profox-bounces@leafe.com] On Behalf Of Ted Roche

Sent: 22 December 2004 16:08

To: Profox@Leafe.Com

Subject: [NF] The Night Before Crisis

'Twas the night before crisis, and all through the house,

Not a program was working, not even a browse.

The programmers were wrung out, too mindless to care,

Knowing chances of shipping hadn't a prayer.

The users were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of inquiries danced in their heads.

When out in the lobby there arose such a clatter,

That I sprang from my cube to see what was the matter.

And what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a SUPER PROGRAMMER, oblivious to fear.

More rapid than eagles, his programs they came,

And he whistled and shouted and called them by name:

On Update! On Add! On Inquiry! On Delete!

On Batch Jobs! On Closing! On Functions Complete!

His eyes were glazed over, his fingers were lean,

From weekends and nights in front of the screen.

A wink of his eye, and a twist of his head,

Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

Turning specs into code, then he turned with a jerk.

And laying his finger on the ENTER key,

The system came up, and worked perfectly.

The updates, updated; the deletes, they deleted;

The inquiries, inquired; and the closing completed.

He tested each whistle, he tested each bell,

With nary an abend, and all had gone well.

The system was finished, the tests were concluded,

The client's last changes were even included!

And the client exclaimed with a snarl and a taunt,

"It's just what I asked for, but NOT what I want..."

(attributed variously, my copy came from

http://radio.weblogs.com/0117767/2003/12/23.html )

Merry Christmas/Kwanza/Hanukka/Solstice/Boxing Day/Non-Denominational

Day Off to you all!

[excessive quoting removed by server]